Inflatable chest

Today I asked my new roomie to help me straighten the back few strands at the back of my head I can never get, and we agreed lots of girls miss them. She said she wished she could take her hair off to style it, and then put it back on. I said I wished I could do that with my boobs sometimes, take them off when I don't need them. Or maybe just inflate them.

Going for a run, don't need 'em...*pheeeeewwww* Oh, going out with the girls on the town *pump pump pump* I wanna fit into this sexy lingerie *pheeeeewww* when it comes off *pump pump pump*. Yup, I think we're on to something.

Craigslist couches

If you're ever bored, and have a craving to see the a large collection of ugly furniture, go to the free section of Craigslist and type in "couch". These are just a small smapling of the jems you'll find there.

   

For the record, just because your couch is from the 70's does not make it an antique, it's just an ugly old couch. Also, the definition of the decriptive word "floral" is very large.

One add actually said, "my cat has done some damage to the back, but if you put it up against a wall, you'd never know!"

Lanyard status

Ever since the first time I went to Mirage, I've always wanted to wear one of those lanyards they give you on your birthday. It always looked so prestigious and I had this idea in my mind that it would be the ticket to endless free drinks. Since life got too hectic to plan my birthday, last minute I decided this was the year, because lets face it, at 24 it'll be the last year I can get away with it. I was heart broken when we got there I found out that they didn't have any lanyards because they were on back order. Well I must have looked crushed because not too long later, they delivered one to my table, with a complimentary bottle of champagne. I had an absolute blast. My friends ended up buying a lot of my drinks, I danced my heart out and I woke up in the morning still wearing my dress, my purse and TWO lanyards. Rock on.

Animals and babies

Since my generation didn't grow up with Facebook, it's easy to see how the social media outlet has changed things. Some things have come up that I didn't for see, like people who always post about the same thing, or people who post pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror taken with their camera phone (the guys are always topless). Other things are completely predictable like when my friends have kids and all of a sudden they start posting a million pictures of baby feet, funny faces and the child's milestones. We can tease them, until we have kids and do the same thing. Some of my friends though, they had animals.

There's no other way to describe it. Perhaps they weren't ready to have kids yet, and later in life they will, but these people do all the same things as the people with kids, only about their pets. The nursery is a dog bed, there's pictures of family holding it, and my personal favourite, updates about bowel movements. "Whiskers isn't feeling well today, better make the hubby change the litter box today..." Next time you're scrolling through your news feed, you'll notice your friends who had animals, I'm sure everyone have got at least one on their friend list.

Snowball

Just in case you wondered how my car got it's nickname...

New phrase

It has happened to everyone, when you're thinking about what you're going to say, and two options come to mind. When you speak, instead of picking one, you utter a weird/unheard of combination of the two. The possibility of this happening increases when you're telling a story or talking about something you're excited about. This experience happened to me. I was thinking of the phrases "jack shit" and "shit all" and it came out "jack shit all". I know what you're thinking, use that in a sentence right?



In this photo, I appear as if I'm up to no good, but in reality I was doing jack shit all sitting in my car in the Costco parking lot this morning. 

Poo whacked

There I was, walking the dog with dad so he wasn't lonely, when dad picked up the dogs poop, and put it in a bag. As his hand was swinging naturally when he walked, he almost hit me with the poop. "whoa, dad..careful there, you almost whacked me with your poop!" and then he did it. Purposefully, he hit with the bag of poop. I was stunned. Ew! It was warm too! He couldn't stop laughing..oh dad.