First Turkey

Last year at my sisters Thanksgiving dinner, I had just bought my place, and offered, "Next year at my house!" It is undetermined how much wine I'd had at that point. Regardless, I like to follow through with my promises. 

So there I am at the store buying the turkey. I start chatting with the elderly couple behind me, as I always do in line ups. She totally baited me. Asked a surface level question to see what I knew. "How are you going to season it?" I failed. "You have to season it?" So then she backed right up for me, "okay, so when you take it out of the bag.." this lovely stranger walked with me into the parking lot giving advice. I thought she was going to get into my car and come home to cook it for me. Lots of turkey advice, coming from all over. 

What you do when it needs to thaw and your sink is full. Not of dirty dishes, no Grams, not at ALL. Redneck hot tub style. 

But I got a turkey roaster because my original plan was to put the bird in and go to work, just like my slow cooker. We would not have been eating the turkey jerky. Read the instructions, it was in 2 hours and it was still cooked the crap out of in some ways. 

My sister threw me a curve ball when she invited our gluten free and vegan cousins, but it was relatively easy to accommodate. I made inappropriate comments when I realized my birds legs had fallen apart, much to my sisters dismay.

I had some help getting everything done, and keeping it all hot to serve all at once. Sounds easier than it is. I got the most excited about decorating the table if I'm honest. 

Chocolate fall leaves! #nailedit 

All in all, I'd call it a success.

Gone cheap

Hello again faithful followers and unfortunate people who accidentally clicked the link! I haven't posted for a little bit, and I can't wait to tell you why!

I had a free app on my phone called "Blogger" which I used to post on my lunch breaks, as I am now. But for a while, the app would automatically close itself as soon as I started a new post. You can imagine how frustrating that would be. I spent a whole hour once opening it and trying to type "10 Year Fear" as quickly as I could, unsuccessfully over and over again. (Foreshadowing to my next post?) So then I decided to delete it, and re-download it. Problem is, it no longer exists. Another app, for $8 does, well isn't that nice. Despite justifying the shit out of buying a new $30 cat travel mug, I couldn't justify spending less than $10 on the app. 

I struggled for a while, until I found another app for $1.39, and that I could justify, so here I am again. Funny how we don't want to spend money on apps eh? This is one of my bigger hobbies that I thoroughly enjoy, but what? $8? No way! I'll spend over $300 on Judo and Dodgeball this month, but that's WAY too much. 

I also want you to know that this new app I paid for isn't as user friendly as my old free one. 

What does all that mean? Your guess is as good as mine! Darn, another exclamation mark. The writing instructor for my program told us to live our lives with only 7 to use. Ever. I do that in an email sometimes. She had a point though, use enthusiastic language instead. I'm a little enthusiastic. Sometimes. And back in action people! BUYA! 

Profile picture age

I'm a sucker for those quizzes on Facebook to start, but I also love it when people try to guess my age. A client this week guessed "22" which is a lot older, usually the guesses don't break 20. 

Which is why I wasn't surprised this one didn't. And I purposely picture one where I was doing something ridiculous to help my odds. How did they come up with the rest of that stuff though? From one picture? I'm not saying it wasn't accurate, actually I think some of it was bang on. All of a sudden I regretted giving them access to my whatever...

Shirt sleeve grievance

I saw this video encouraging women to lift weights when they go to the gym. Powerlifting, it's a thing. I have a friend from my program who got super into it, and she's super strong. I also know lots of strong women in my Judo club. Not to mention all the women in dodgeball, and my daily life who I don't know could bench press me if they had the opportunity. Here's my problem, if you want women to get strong, make clothes that account for big biceps. Now let's be clear, I have pretty average biceps, big arms, and some of it is muscle. I do a few push ups a week, and some of my work shirts fit everywhere else great, except my arms. A couple I'm careful how I move because it feels like I'll Hulk out of it. One had elastics there, that I removed for my own happiness. And now that we're talking about it, what's the difference between men's and women's deodorant, besides the fact that theirs actually works? I own a men's stick, and damn do I smell good when I wear it. This is not men are from Mars, Venus bullcrap, this is a world that needs to change and make room for #strongwomen. 

Scary sexy

I recently had the experience of going to a new, very large sex store. (Keery - keep reading, I promise not to reference your brother) Problem was, as much as I was trying to keep focused on what I might like, I kept getting distracted by all the super out there, crazy stuff. I snapped some pictures so you might share in my feelings. This is an assortment of anal toys, sometimes referred to as butt plugs. 

Check out those gems! That's right ladies and gentlemen, should it be your thing, you can bedazzle your butt hole.

Or jump around the room as your partners sexy fox, including the tail. The other super strange thing I didn't get a picture off were urethra penetration rods for men. I'm not making this up. And I'll have you know I tried googling it for your benefit, and I'll probably never recover. Before you assume no one would ever do that, the lady at the store sold two the week I was there. Would have been three, but a gentleman came in to buy them, and didn't think they would be big enough to stimulate him. Takes all kinds. 

#poopun

I was at Rona buying some new door knobs, and while I was at it, thought I'd check out their toilet paper dispensers. Since I get lost so often there, I asked a person working there politely in what isle I might find them. He says, "oh! Are you looking for the one that automatically dispensers sheets by motion activation?" 

I must have given him a gawd awful look. Absolutely not. 

Btw, this should scare you...

This might scare you even more...

What would a motion activated toilet seat be activated to do? Go up and down I bet. Glow maybe? Predict your #1 or #2 based on degree of clenching? I haven't yet run into an automatic toilet flush that either flushed at the appropriate time, and didn't scare the living crap out of me. #poopun   

 

Hello hole

I bought a new dress, well new to me. I got it from Value Village on sale for $7. 

It's hard to see from that picture the colour or style, I'll brighten it up. 

Perfect! Now you can REALLY see the bra I abandoned beside me on the bed. But I don't think I can ever wear it without a bra you see, there's a Lacey see-through stripe underneath the bossum. In the picture, you can see my white body poking through. But I just KNOW if I wore it out like that, one of my tatas would get the funny idea to slide down into that space. They'd be singing Adele "Hello. It's me.." I'd be on 5 peoples snap stories before I even realized what happened.