Thursday, July 28, 2016

Overly dramatic yeast

I'm about to tell you about the yeast infection that lead to my undoing. You've been warned. If you're choosing to read on, it's at your own risk. 

You might be wondering why I'm deciding to write a blog about something so racy I feel the need to warn you. Since it's the public internet, I always imagine myself walking up to everyone in my life and telling them what I'm writing. My boss. My boyfriends mom. Grams. Ex flings living abroad. My classmates I haven't seen in years. My more reserved family members (yes they do exist). And people not in my life, strangers, future employers. But I think it's important to talk about, for the same reason I did the Underwear Affair. Awareness. I had friends who had miscarriages, and I didn't know how common they were until I started talking to women around me about them. This is no different. Most of the women I've talked to have had a yeast infection at one point, or know about them. Hopefully they laugh a little, or at least find a little camaraderie in my blog. But also if just one woman didn't, I'm finding the courage to share about my experience for them. And to be selfish, writing is how I deal with things. 

Figuring it out. 
So earlier this week, I'd have told you I hit my sexual peak. For sure that's what it was...I wanted to be touched...but the itch for intimacy, then just became an itch. And hot. I slept with an ice pack two nights. So then it's brought to my attention I probably have a yeast infection. And talking to a couple girlfriends, it's super common. Just go to the store and get the cream they said. The pill will change your life they said. 

Buying the treatment 
So I go to the local drugstore, "I'm going to be discreet, I'll buy it from the pharmacy in the back, gawd I'm smart." Until the very moment I walk through the front door, and the alarm starts going off. Not a small alarm, multiple very loud alarms, it gets everyone's attention at the front of the store. I considered running for it. I'd paid for it, right? Who comes to the door to meet me, but the only guy who works for the whole damn company, and happens to come to my work too. I'm mortified. He starts laughing when he sees its me, "did you beep on the way in?" "No." People probably think I look so embarrassed because I stole, until the box comes out. "It's ok" he starts whispering. I almost burst into tears. He deactivates it and I stuff it back in its hiding place before I quickly left the store.

Using the treament
Had I known a little more about the treatment before I used it, I probably wouldn't have used it while at work. But I was super incomfortable, and just assumed it was like taking an Advil. So I came back to work, where I used my lovely box. Remember that experiment in middle school with the giant volcano with baking soda and vinager? That started happening in my pants. I was at my wicket trying to help customers and I was feeling "BUBBLES!! Bubblesbubblesbubbless" 

Unfortunately it soaked through everything I was wearing. Like most experiences us girls have had from a young age with our periods, no one could see it. But it's uncomfortable, and I was trying to weigh out if it's worse than the problem it was solving. When you actually read the box instead of skimming, it tells you to use it at night. When you're horizontal. I asked a female co-worker if they could see it. Two of them knew about my disposition because I confided in them about the trauma at the drugstore. "Are you going to tell Kyle?" One said "she has to" the other one said. 

Telling the new boyfriend 
The gift that keeps on giving. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse for me, I find out that a yeast infection is transmittable. A very small chance, but if he's going to feel a fraction of my discomfort, I want to warn him. A lifesaver in the form of a female friend of mine had dropped off some new clothes for me to wear for the last while at work, so I wasn't still uncomfortable when I talked to him. And of course, he was amazing, like everything else so far. I burst into tears and he just hugged me and told me I was going to be okay. He knew more about it than I did and started educating me about my bits and imbalances and it's nothing I did wrong...I said,"I'm not trying to be overly dramatic about all this..." And he's like, "well.." 

I had three offers to go to the bar that night, and finally I couldn't say no anymore.

But I didn't want to see people anymore. So maybe this is why I said yes: 

I'm starting not to like the term "bad day" because I feel like it's overused. I know people who have a bad day about once a week. Really? How BAD was it? 

I just felt so abandoned by my vagina. How could it do this to me? I thought I'd built a pretty good repor, I thought we had a good thing going. 

But this is how I ended my awful day, Pina Collada sangria in hand, wearing another girls underwear, and hopefully more mature than when I woke up. My friends who have had children were laughing at me, "just you wait" they said. 

Monday, July 18, 2016

Officially #oldNboring

I felt as though I may have suddenly got old and boring when I found myself sending my cousin who's only two years younger than me, this snap chat: 

Due note I'm in bed, replying to a snap she sent me of her partying, but in my defence, it's a holiday for her. I was replying to a snap of a firework going off on an enclosed roof, not five feet from where she stood. It had fallen off the table with small tarp underneath they'd set up. Two phrases for you my love, "bucket of sand" and "open feild". Enclosed rooftop and safety table, you may as well light the damn thing and drop it down your pants. To my close friends becoming parents, I send my love. 

Misplaced sympathy

Here's the trouble I'm having with pet ownership, misplaced sympathy. I tell people the cat puked in my bed and they're all, "oh poor kitty cat was sick! How's she feeling now?" Uh...who cares? She could have puked anywhere in the whole damn apartment, but she CHOSE MY BED! I was probably even sleeping in it at the time, and then I had to clean it up. Not just about that though, everything. Cat kept me up all night, "oh why isn't she sleeping?" Because she'd rather paw at my face at 4am for pets. I had to go to work the next day haven been woken up 4 times, she's at home sleeping, who do you feel bad for? If I was in a situation where someone was cleaning my droppings out of a litter box, I'd feel pretty damn bad about it. My cat sits somewhere she can see me, and stares at me. Then she doesn't even wait until I leave the room with the stinky litter before she's in there using it again. "That will do, slave." Lately she's made a habit of hiding near the door and running out when we open it. One day Kyle was leaving, and she was sneaking out and he almost caught her, I said, "No, if she wants to go, let her. You think you have it so bad here? Huh? Be my guest kitty cat!" She sniffs around and runs back inside terrified, but my neighbours still probably think I'm nuts. Probably not far off...

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Selfie remorse

This week I posted a selfie of me having a good hair day before I went to the gym.

If that wasn't bad enough, I then posted ANOTHER selfie on the same post AFTER if been to the gym to show how sweaty I was and how lost my good hair day was. 

I'll be honest, I felt yucky after. I didn't feel good about it. I felt like I'd cheated myself the ability to feel pretty on my own, and traded it in for needing confirmation from my friends on social media. I instantly started to worry about how many likes I'd get and what people would think of me. Not a good feeling. 

As big of a user as I am of Facebook, in the last year I've changed my mind a little about the whole thing. We need to love ourselves regardless of the likes. 


This is a picture of my boyfriend, and my good friend, who bonded over Pokemon Go before it was released in Canada. I didn't even know she was coming over until she was there. The picture I don't have is when the three of us ran into another friend of mine, and the THREE of them hundled around a phone. "Hi, hello, nice to meet you. Which Pokemon do you have?" But yesterday something big happened. It was released in Canada. 

I was talking to a buddy of mine who works at a gaming store, because I was purchasing Guitar Hero for my Nintendo DS, for $2! Score! He asked, "have you downloaded Pokemon Go yet?" Important word there people. Yet. As if it's only a matter of time before you get ASSIMILATED!! I saw a video of Central Park in New York City, a rare Pokemon spawned, and hoards of people started running full tilt. It looked apocalyptic, people were abandoning their cars in the street! I asked how Pokemon where popping up in Canada when it wasn't even technically released yet. Something to do with geographical tracking, and people in the area having the app, then Pokemon will show up there.

But in its defence, it's getting people moving. My friend who's not what you'd call "active" said, "I went for a walk Jenn. I did!" But even an active friend of mine showed me on his fit bit, his activity doubled, almost tripled since he started PokeHunting. He said he got it because his friends go for PokeCruises and he didn't want to stop being invited out. That's right, people get together with the sole purpose of driving around together looking for Pokemon. He said their carload took over a PokeHotSpot and got fingered by a girl. At a park in Maple Ridge. At 2am. On a Tuesday. Well now people, we're about to have PokeBrawls. Since I didn't buy PokeShares, which as you can imagine, went significantly up in price, I'll have to sell PokeInsurance, for the poor buggers showing up at hotspots getting mugged. Or just in case that PokePro you hired off Craiglist also robbed you instead of showing you rare Pokemon for $20/hr. But good on those dorks for cashing in. They probably also missed out on the shares. 

Even Kyle asked me last night on the phone if I'd gotten it yet. I generally don't to be honest, when things go mainstream  I'm generally turned off. Now if we were catching Disney characters, that's a different story...

Bit ma tit

In all honesty, one of my favourite parts of full contact sports are the bruises. I'm a peach as they say, and I also bruise easily. You might call them bruise baths, where I soak in the soapy water, looking for the beginnings of what will show up tomorrow. Testaments of how hard I worked. I have yet to get a face bruise, but one can dream. So the other night I was bruise hunting and I found an incriminating mark ON MY BOOB! I texted the new boyfriend pronto. His phone auto corrected him, "looks like a bite from heath" Yea, when Heath Ledger bites your boob and you didn't notice, that's a bad day my friend. Yes, I'm also aware it would be a long ways from the afterlife for the bugger, fine. Oh, you meant "someone" well yes. That's why I'm warning you before you find it on your own.When I wear a low cut shirt of course, Grams. But it's not what it looks like, I got elbowed in the face, but no one bit ma tit. No face bruise yet either. I kept checking, even when I'd forgotten which side it was. And if you think I'm posting a picture accompaniment with this one, you're sadly mistaken.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Slipper standards

If you're looking for it, you'll see a lot of young people sporting Costco slippers in public. At the mall, walking down the street, at the Judo dojo. My generation wore pj pants to school, myself a very active participant, so I don't have much ground to stand on to criticize, but two of my close friends tell me they have what I can slipper standards. They won't wear them out to the bar say, but to the store to grab milk is ok. There didn't seem to be a kilometre distance for these standards, but rather a scale of importance. Wear them on a road trip across the province, but not your ten year reunion in the next town. I wore mine out accidentally, as I was doing laundry, ran out of money on my card, and realized the store down the street to load the money closed in 5 minutes. Of course my laundry, and all the soap is already loaded into the only two machines for my whole building. I made it. Just. Slippers are hard to run full tilt in. 

Butt pillow

I saw this picture...

And I was thinking, "aw! I have a picture like that!"