Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Chicken or egg?


I was driving with a guy friend the other day, when out of nowhere he blurts out, 
"I wish I had an S.T.I.." and maybe it's because my sister talks doctor talk all the time, but I instantly thought Sexually Transmitted Infection. 

Evidently it's also a car. 

I can't help  but wonder if they named the car while it was still politically correct to say S.T.D.? 

Heels from hell

People often ask me why I don't wear heels, as if being short makes me inadequate. But there's a very good reason why THESE are the heels from HELL! 

And here's the reason...

Can we just agree that this might very well be the best photographed blister? 


My family likes to tease my Grandma because when she used to travel down to Mexico every winter in their RV, space was an issue, especially in the fridge and freezer. So she brought lots of containers, and when something was eaten enough to fit into a smaller container, she'd downsize. Sometimes this might happen even before you're finished scooping or eating it. She's great at space awareness, and deciding which container will fit everything with little extra room. It's a talent I've been told I also have, but we all have our off days...

The sandwich bag proved unsuccessful. 

So did this size container. 

I had to take a picture of it actually working so Grams would know I was eventually successful. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Green tea grimace

My favourite part about selling ice cream in the mall, is letting people try our new flavours when they come in. Root beer float was a hit, and people go nuts over the sea salt caramel. So when we got the green tea flavour, I was all over letting people try it. It's not that appetizing of a colour either, so sometimes I have to talk people into taking a free sample. And then the magic happens. Before I tried it, I thought people were nuts for making funny faces and deciding how they were going to swallow it without their gag reflex kicking in. I love green tea! And then I had some.

 It's HORRID! Absolutely terrible! Pasty and chalky, and then the bitter/tangy after taste kicks in. Its a little twisted, but now I know how gross it is, I get even more excited about letting people try it. The occasional person isn't lying through their green teeth when they say they like it, but that's always less interesting.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Cute pork

I was at the grocery store the other day (yes I'm avoiding saying which one) and I noticed they had some balloons in the produce section. Above some of the fruit there was a happy strawberry balloon, and dancing brocolli, it was all so cute. Then when we were leaving I noticed a cute smiling the deli section! 

Too far people, too far. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Penny people

So you'd have to live in a cave not to know the Bank of Canada discontinued the penny back on February 4th. They said on the news that it was costing more to make pennies than they were worth, and people tended to hoard them, so they were needed to making more every year. Great, glad you're savings money. But guess what every penny hoarder on the planet thought when they heard the news? "Oh wow, my pennies are going to be worth something one day, even more reason to keep them!" Yes, pennies are discontinued, but they're not going anywhere fast, I guarantee it.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Embarrassing tentacle

Whenever someone asks, "what is your most embarrassing moment?" I have a few great stories to pick from. Foot in mouth is sometimes a constant state of being for me. One such occasion happened way back in 2001, at a little place called Banting Middle School. Since most of the class didn't bother to show up (snow maybe?), instead of teaching us, my teacher decided to have us read scripts from Star Wars. Anyone familiar with the series remembers the part where Luke Skywalker and his gang is stuck in a garbage compactor, and there's a large octopus-like monster trying to kill them.

Well the line was, "the BIG, SLIMY tentacle grabbed Luke and pulled him under the garbage" Oh yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, not only was I 13 and I said the word TESTICLE in front of everyone, but it happened to have BIG and SLIMY in front of it. If you've ever seen an entire room full of people, teacher included, laugh so hard they all fall on the floor, you know how dramatic and humiliating this was. It would probably have bothered me more if I could have caught my breath and got up off the floor.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Beef with email ads

Lately I've found myself super critical of email ads, which isn't hard because I get a lot of them. I'm members of all the deal sites, and I LOVE putting my name, and conveniently my email in for draws. One day three caught my eye in one email.

Look! Take these pills and you can be headless too! Who needs healthy food and exercise? One catch, you have to be great with photoshop. 

I want to know where in Granville Island this was taken, because it looks like somewhere tropcial off a coast. Very unlike the water I've seen near Granville Island...

And in their defense, this picture is completely accurate. Anyone who's ever taken photo's in a photobooth with props, which is a new trend at weddings and other events, knows this to be true. If there's four shots, count your entire head to be blocked out in at least one of them.