Thursday, November 27, 2014

Vodka crotch

I swear this kind of stuff only happens to me. So I went out to a friends beer pong tournament a few weeks back and I brought everything I needed in a reusable bag. The next day when I was packing everything I needed for work and a date after work, and I used the same bag. As it turns out, some vodka must have been spilled where I laid my bag down. So when I packed my jeans for my date, they got soaked in vodka. Not only did they reek of booze, but you'll notice it appears to have soaked in a perfect pee stain pattern. So after debating whether or not this would prove advantageous for me, I wore my work pants to me date. But my coworkers and I had a good chuckle. Depending on the guy, that could have been a selling point, should he get close enough to smell the booze and not just assume I peed myself...


This picture hangs in my bathroom. It matches the wall colour so well when I moved in, I just left it there. Not that I'm usually one for small details, but do you notice the yellow two by four nailed to the second post of the fence second from the right? I'm sure Ikea didn't plan on this imperfection, but it actually makes me like the picture more. Even the perfect fence on the perfect beach needs a little help sometimes. Keep on keeping on fence! 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tinder aftershocks

This is phenomenon that's been going on for a while, and partly I didn't want to blog about it, because I didn't want to call these guys out on it, and for it to stop. A happy repercussion of blogging about meeting strangers, and posting it on Facebook, is that I also unknowingly announced to all the single guys I already know that I'm on the hunt.

When I was in school, the emphasized using the network you already have to find work. Tell everyone you know that you're looking, because you might be surprised. Same strategy I feel. Finally, I've really brought it home.

So yes, I've had a bunch of attractive, charming and amazing guys drop me a line on Facebook, coincidentally or not, because of my blog. Guys I already know! From all stages of my life too. That I already have background with, and know aren't mass murders, or rapists. Because that's another online stigma that I keep hearing, and logically I know that most aren't. But it only takes ONE doesn't it? Girls, I'm telling ya, there's something to this, I'm sure of it. Keep it coming gents!

Sunday, November 9, 2014

My thoughts on loss

Before dad, I'd only ever had to deal with the death of a hampster when I was a kid. I'd been to one funeral, a Celebration of Life for a family friend, Auntie Patty. She was a lovely lady I felt fondly for, but it was dad that had grown up with her. I think I always knew losing dad would be the hardest for me, he was just the biggest part of my world. But I imagined being a lot older. I imagined having a husband and kids by then. Now I won't have him to walk me down the isle, or meet his grandkids.

I always imagined life would stop. But that's the weird thing about being grief stricken, life kept going. I still had to get up and go to work to pay my bills. The laundry and dishes still piled up. Dad was at peace, but no one else was. I went from talking to him everyday, to just being able to reminisce about him.

I tried hard to be strong. This "strength" word I kept hearing. I was just faking it at the start. Suddenly though, a week went by. And I was still here. Then a month. Now it's been over six months. He's still gone. Sometimes I see pictures of him, or he shows up in my dreams and it shocks me like it just happened. But I'm still here. And I know he'd want me to make the best of it, like he did. The best compliment I get is when people say they see him in me. Especially when I've done something out of the box.

People tell me the Celebration of Life we had was lovely. I hope they're right. I hope dad got to see how packed it was, with all the people he touched. He would have been 56 today. He'd have been away on his boat, or on a cruise like he usually did for his birthday.

I missed him a lot this week, and when my work schedule came out for December, I realized it's going to get harder before it gets easier. Will we have shooter night/tree decorating? Whose going to wear the tree skirt? Christmas morning. I haven't missed a Christmas morning with my dad my entire life.

For a guy who said he doesn't believe in the afterlife, in his final time, he promised us he'd find a way to be with us. I believe him that if there's a way, he's stubborn enough to find it. And he's never broken a promise to me.

I've seen it on Facebook, people are losing loved ones everyday. People will tell you "time heals all wounds" I wish I could remember who said it to me, so I could credit them properly, but time doesn't heal the wounds. It only teaches us to be more capable of coping with them. I hope these words of mine, my story can bring you a little comfort. 

We are still here Grams. We can do this. Together. As a family. I love the pictures coming up from Cali ladies, you're in our hearts today. *hugs* 

Baiting the hook - POF Sequel

I've put myself in quite the predicament, because I started sending some POF guys my blog, as a great example of how witty and charming I can be, right? WRONG!! Now I can't remember who I sent it to, and which of their nicknames I can't drop. If I was one of those guys, I'd be reading this to find out if I made an impression or not. Just saying.

Not that I'm offensive, I would like to think I blog about my experiences tastefully, and typically the only person I make fun of is me.

That being said, let me just say that some guys come out of the gate with a strategy. One guy, SugarDaddy, he was all business.

Some guys ask you what you're looking for too, maybe they want to see if they fit the bill? I've said, "Someone nice, who's got their shit together and likes to have fun. He's gotta make laugh!" The usuals. But in the last couple days I've come up with a couple bonus' that are slightly unusual.

SEAT WARMERS!!! Yes, I drive a 91' Ford Escort, seat warmers feel like an out of reach luxury. I want my next car to have them. But a car I might be in a lot in the mean time...although I'd find a way to screw that up too. "THE CAKE!! IT'S MELTING!!"

Also, a bath tub. Didn't realize how much I miss the occasional bath. Yes they're both material-ish things. Judge on. You try going 6 months without a single bath and cold butt.

Anyhow, some guys have strategies to get your attention, but so far the ones that have started to stick are the witty, funny ones I can actually have a decent conversation with. I'm told this is actually rare? Maybe my fellow female POF competition is just making this too easy for me...

Thursday, November 6, 2014


You can't fault a desert that's literally half icing. 
And half off because Halloween is over. Buya! 

Fishing away - POF Sequel

There's this huge stigma online of being "weird". Everyone is trying to be skinny, and assure you, "it's ok, I'm normal". Well I'm neither. And usually when they say that, they aren't either for the record. I've found vanilla, and honestly, it's so very bland. I've actually started asking, "what's your favourite Ice Cream flavour?"

I've taken on a "balls out" mentality. My being so blunt, and open has definitely been interpreted the wrong way. But it's a chance I'm willing to take. I read on a guy's profile that he described his personality as, "straight edge" I didn't even respond to him. Whatever ugly turn of events we'd take to find that out, I saved him from it.

What am I going to gain by faking my personality and covering up my outlandishness? Nothing. A cruel awakening for him at some point is inevitable.

Part of me is actually hoping I don't run into "the one" online. The poor sucker already has to spend the rest of his life with me, the thought of him also being subjected to the ridiculousness and absurdity of humanity? Cruel world indeed.

I found Mr Wrong. He called me a "chubby b****" because I wouldn't sleep with him. Yup. I'm a tease, with too much attitude that wasted his time. And did you know there's actually a website for gents like this gem? My friend suggested it to me as I was slumped in front of the mirror, a well timed confidence boost, and part of the reason she's so dear to me.

Something else I've learned, don't drink and online date. Sending a poor guy this snapshot might even seem like a good idea. At the time.