Wednesday, October 12, 2016

On my own

I considered not writing about it so quick, I don't want to be insensitive to other people's feelings, but writing is healing. Things slipped for a bit, and then ended between the boyfriend and I. Before all my Bloggy fans start cheering, I'm not diving into the online dating world again. Actually I had a revelation quite the opposite. It's possible that my life journey, could be, on my own. Not even just the feelings of worthlessness or being unlovable that come with breaking up, and real-life revelation. I was on my own for a while, I'm independent (to a point) and I thrive. But I always considered it a temporary status. A means to the final result, which was husband, house, kids. I've mentioned before that I've often considered myself not fitting into that cookie mould, but this is bigger. Maybe I'm set out to travel the world, or write a book. Maybe write about travelling. Or a million other great possibilities I haven't thought of. I must stress this is not fishing for compliments, and should you compliment me, or post words of enoucragement, I will unfriend you. I'm looking at you Grams. But a sincere reflection. A close friend of mine, in my heart, not in physical proximity, pointed out I'm looking for love, and that's most of my problem. I'm still putting effort in and expecting to find it. My sister conceded to me finally, "maybe it's not meant for you right now.." I have plenty of friends who are quite happy on their own. They're not all guys, and only some of them I discovered this because I was trying to date them. Grams says to me on the phone, "if it's not going to work, it's better to find out now, than later on..." and I can't help but wonder how many times she's said that. It's kind of a relief, I'll be honest. It's also been pointed out to me that I put a lot of pressure on myself. That could be true. I want to declare myself open to new possibilities, and the natural journey my life will take. All that being said, Ed Sheeran, if you're reading this, I'm still down for you to fall deperately love with me and whisk me off to your castle in Ireland. I heard today ketchup is bad for you, but I don't think we need that kind of negativity in our lives. See what I did there? 

And because I can, a photo with my cat. 


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